In April we lost our friend Nigel to sudden complications from high blood pressure. He fought for nearly two weeks in the ICU, but the odd chain of events was to drastic to overcome. If I could’ve composed a few coherent thoughts to share at his memorial, they might’ve gone something like this.
I didn’t attend the same high school as Nige, nor the same college, and until the morning of his memorial I never realized it, but we never even (technically) lived in the same city. So how random, and lucky, is it that over the past 20 years I’d come to think of him as one of my best friends. I first met Nigel as one of D’s crazy group of friends in South Bend. She had gone to high school with him, and they’d run cross country together, but it was after graduation they really got better acquainted. I first connected with Nige because we shared the same interests – industrial and alternative music, video games, science fiction, etc – and I would later come to see we also enjoyed a similar outlook – one in which you don’t sweat the small stuff and you enjoy the present more than pin hopes on the future.
I don’t think there was such a thing as being an acquaintance of Nigel. Even though Nige lived in Indianapolis the last several years, he made over to quite a few Halloween parties. There in the fog and dim lighting, our local friends met him without a proper introduction, and exchanged just brief conversations over loud music. And even then, they could see the cool and caring person he was. Meet him, even for just a few minutes, and you’d feel like you’re already friends. Get to know him a little better, and you’d soon be treating him like a brother.
There are so many great memories from over the years – camping trips, concerts, or even just weekends hanging out in South Bend, Bloomington, Indianapolis, Columbus, or Cincinnati. If there was a camping trip being planned or a concert we wanted to see, he would try to be there. And if there was a mosh pit at that concert, well, you knew he’d be there (and if you were there too, you knew he’d be watching that you didn’t get pushed around too hard). He didn’t always have the money or the time to take off work, but if he could, he’d be there. And not just because he loved to do those things, but because he loved to do them with us.
It’s heartbreaking, not just to see Nige go so soon, but just at time when he seemed to finally get the right pieces in place. Nige leaves behind his fiancee, Sam, and their two month-old baby, Jonas. I can’t imagine how hard the years ahead will be on them, but I do know all the love Nigel gave in his days, is pouring back. Nigel was also raised without a father and he turned into one of the best people we’ve known. I have no doubt Jonas will follow in his Dad’s footsteps.
We held a great party in his honor in Indy, which I dubbed Nigelpalooza. More than any memorial this is definitely what he’d wanted – friends old and new, coming together to tell stories, drink some great beer, and listen to all his favorite music all night long (the playlist we made was over 11 hours!). I made this video to show at the event, and it gave everyone a chance to laugh a little, cry a little, and give thanks to our friend.
