(Arr, there be no spoilers here, matey).
We made a rare trip to an actual movie theatre two weekends ago to join in the box office frenzy of Pirates of the Caribbean 3: At World’s End. Maybe instead of frenzy, I should say fiasco, because it’s a shame this mess of a movie will be among the highest grossers of the year (and all time).
A lot of reviews have complained that the plot falls somewhere on the scale between convoluted and incomprehensible. I can appreciate how some of this “plot play” comes from the idea that pirates are morally ambiguous – but still the erratic storyline and characters’ changing allegiances didn’t do much to make the movie any more enjoyable – only longer. It seems to be a movie that begs you to concentrate on the story while not at all taking itself seriously (more on that in a minute). And that’s I think where a lot of viewers have problems following the movie…as soon as they turn off their mind to endure the high seas slapstick, several twists in the story throw them off course.
From the opening scene, I was pleasantly surprised – the somber executions had me thinking we were in for a darker, more mature Pirates movie. Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t go in expecting a serious, dark pirate flick, but seeing a flash of that made me realize what a cool tact that could have been. But instead it was only a matter of time before Disney shellac and gratuitous CGI sent things whirling into the abyss. In many cases it seemed even the good stuff was just so overcooked it lost its flavor. None the less here’s a little rundown of my impressions:
Acting:
- Depp was very good (most of the time), though some of the shticks and hallucinations seemed to really push the bounds of self-indulgence. Still, I can forgive that, it is his franchise after all.
- Geoffrey Rush was great (most of the time), with his twisted snarl and boisterous laugh he was the only guy that reminded you this was a pirate movie.
- Keira Knightley makes for a fun enough pirate grrrl, but her speeches taken from Braveheart were painful to sit through.
- Orlando Bloom? Forgettable.
- Keith Richards was a fun addition, and had by far the best sea-worn make-up…oh wait, nevermind.
- Chow Yun-Fat was pretty enjoyable as a much needed bad ass, but I still had to wonder whether the addition of the whole Asian pirate collective was really necessary.
Gags:
- Undead, flaming monkey: Awesome.
- Attack of the 50 foot sea goddess: Horrible and useless.
- Crazy Jack’s delusions: Brilliant, in Davy Jones locker, but eventually annoying and dumb (pocket Jack hanging from a braid and “don’t move I’ve lost my brain”).
- Repeated metaphors of man parts: Horrible – save those for the next Ben Stiller movie.
What else:
- Costumes: Awesome – there’s no denying that one.
- Soundtrack: I gotta give some credit here, if there is one thing that helps moves this 168 minutes behemoth along it’s the music.
- Pirate lords and the pirate king: Whatever – useless to the plot.
- Battles: Hand to hand and ship to ship all pretty well done; no doubt that’s why most people will pay the money to see it and why some will say it was a good movie.
In summary, damn you Jerry Bruckheimer, you suckered me again!
Tags: Movies
Yeah.. it sucked. Like the new look btw.